For those of you following along at home, another big long blog break means another big long miscarriage. But it was resolved as well as it could be. For anyone who wants unsolicited miscarriage advice, I can tell you what felt best for me. With fertility babies, it seems like the magic point is getting past the 9-week mark. Somehow the human body knows if the fetus isn't the best possible fetus, and at nine weeks makes a decision whether to hold onto it or let it go. Or maybe the fetus decides. Isn't that amazing? "My chromosomes aren't lined up, so I'll check out and make space for another one."
The doctors always want to suck it out of you and move on quickly. But in my case, I knew from the last time, that it helped me to wait it out and deliver it naturally at home so I can see it and hold it and bring it in for DNA testing. It was really good closure for me to know both times exactly which chromosomes were defective and that I didn't cough it out or do something wrong. It just wasn't scientifically viable. Yes, this method makes it last months longer and you bleed forever and your hormones are still going nuts, but for me it was worth it.
The doctors always want to suck it out of you and move on quickly. But in my case, I knew from the last time, that it helped me to wait it out and deliver it naturally at home so I can see it and hold it and bring it in for DNA testing. It was really good closure for me to know both times exactly which chromosomes were defective and that I didn't cough it out or do something wrong. It just wasn't scientifically viable. Yes, this method makes it last months longer and you bleed forever and your hormones are still going nuts, but for me it was worth it.
The first time, the fetus came out two weeks after the heart stopped, and the second time it took two freaking months. By that time, I thought I'd already passed it and missed it, but trust me, you really do have labor contractions telling you when it is happening, and both times for me, it came out perfectly enclosed in a little sac like a chicken yolk, only tougher and clear instead of yellow, and floating around like a little Magic 8 Ball. Sorry if I'm grossing you out, but for me it wasn't gross at all. They just looked like little scientifically beautiful impossible things. It makes it tangible instead of just feeling like a broken dream.
And now I have 600 things saved up for you, so we'd better get started. But first, time to celebrate the sweet baby I do have, and what a joy she is! The last time I posted the funny things she said was when she was in Italy without me, and now she is there again for Easter.
"I don't know how to make a rainbow painting. I only know how to paint good dragons and bad dragons and good ghostes and bad ghostes."
"Mom, can you get the water in here and make a river? I want the house to float. You hang on to your chairs!"
Mama: "Who's your best mommy?"
Natalie: "That one behind you."
"Coughing makes my hair dance."
Natalie: "Mom, do you need a teddy bear or anything? If you need ANYTHING, just call me."
Mama: "OK. Thanks."
Natalie: "You're welcome."
[Your first lie.]
Mama: "Baby, where's the chocolate advent calendar?"
Natalie: "I didn't take it. I didn't put it somewhere. I didn't hide it. I didn't eat it all. It wasn't me. It was...somebody, I think. It must be a mystery!"
[found it in the bed pillows]
Mama: "Papa, give this evidence to the police."
Natalie [instant tears]: "Don't put me in jail! I don't have any money! My family!"
Mama: "Do you want to play this card game?"
Natalie: "No, I have too many haircuts to cut. What kind of haircut do you want?"
Mama: "A princess haircut."
Natalie: "We don't have any princess haircuts. How about a rockin' haircut? Shaving is for your beard. Do you have any beard? This is a woman's shop and a man's shop. We change it with different buttons."
"The firemans are catching the lemagrams?" [trying to teach her parallelograms]
"Mom? How do you get love when you're not mad?....That's a joke!"
Papa: "Do you want to go to the M-O-V-I-E?"
Mama: "No."
Natalie: "I do!"
Papa: "You don't even know what we're talking about."
Natalie: "The alphabet store?"
"The dragon picked me up! It was a nice one. A happy one. It let me for a ride. It was a nice dream."
Mama [singing]: "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."
Natalie: "What's that from?"
Mama: "I don't know. One of your movies. Cinderella or Snow White or something."
Natalie: "I know! It's...it's...what's it called?...Pinocchio! And there's a star! With wings! And the boy can talk! Good job, Mama! You want to hear Boy Loves His Cow?"
"Mom, tell me a story about popcorn."
"Hey, you have a chicken ballerina rainbow on your head!"
[building train set, pieces are stuck]
Natalie: "Dammit!"
Mama: "Where did you hear that?"
Natalie: "SpongeBob."
Mama: "What does it mean?"
Natalie: "Dammit means it's not right."
Mama: "When did you watch SpongeBob?"
Natalie: "With Papa."
Natalie: "I just want to type something."
Mama: "Not right now."
Natalie: "So YOU'RE in charge!"
"I'm going to dream about my nice mama petting my nice puppies."
"Mama, I figured out what I want to be when I grow up: a doctor who goes to peoples' house who are sick who are girls."
"You're a good liquid. So I licked you."
[bringing me the Little Miss books]
"Mama, can you bring me these movies please? I want to know what their voice is."
"Someday my sister babies will make it out of your belly."
Natalie: "Why your grandma used this?" [typewriter]
Mama: "Because a long time ago people didn't have computers. They didn't know how to make them."
Natalie: "I know how. First you put this part. And then you paint it and wait for it to dry. Then you put the numbers inside. Then you put the glass thing on. Then you're done."
"Mom, will you close the door so you don't know what I'm doing?"
Natalie: "Mom, what does good luck mean?"
Mama: "It means I hope you do a good job."
Natalie: "Oh, like break a leg."
Natalie: "I need to erase this."
Mama: "Crayon doesn't erase."
Natalie: "I need to find the big crayons with the pink thing here." [pointing to her butt--pencils with erasers]
"You don't know everything. Only one people know everything. It's me."
Mama: "You want some milk with your chocolate?"
Natalie: "That would be stinkuous."
Mama: "Stinkuous? What does that mean?"
Natalie: "It means that would be very nice."
Mama: "Stupendous."
Natalie: "Mama, why is the radio singing, "Baaaaaaaaaay-king soda?"
Mama: "It's singing My Sherona."
"The pasta is burning! Mamas are supposed to cook and not dance! ONLY cook food!"
"I wish my Prince Charming would get here. He's very gallant and so brave about things. And he's very strong. He can fight a bad man by himself. And my prince is a very little bit funny. Sometimes he makes me laugh. Sometimes he talks good. He has a sword to kill the dragon of our kingdom, the Kingdom of Fairytale Land."
[On the powers of the Netflix search engine]
"I want to watch I Want to Go Pee on the Ground. Type it in there! It will find it!"
[At a magic show, Natalie wanted to be chosen from the audience to go on stage to help make a table levitate, but I was chosen instead, and I really do think it was the worst moment in her life]
"I raised my hand! But he didn't see me! I was so brave! I wanted to help! Why didn't he pick me?! We need to go to another magic show! One with no big people! And only five kids!"
Mama: "What did you do with Papa?"
Natalie: "We went to a restaurant with crazy things inside. The man said, 'May I take your plate?' And I said yes. He was very crazy. And there was a lady with purple hair in front of us. I began to not freak out."
And now I have 600 things saved up for you, so we'd better get started. But first, time to celebrate the sweet baby I do have, and what a joy she is! The last time I posted the funny things she said was when she was in Italy without me, and now she is there again for Easter.
"I don't know how to make a rainbow painting. I only know how to paint good dragons and bad dragons and good ghostes and bad ghostes."
"Mom, can you get the water in here and make a river? I want the house to float. You hang on to your chairs!"
Mama: "Who's your best mommy?"
Natalie: "That one behind you."
"Coughing makes my hair dance."
Natalie: "Mom, do you need a teddy bear or anything? If you need ANYTHING, just call me."
Mama: "OK. Thanks."
Natalie: "You're welcome."
[Your first lie.]
Mama: "Baby, where's the chocolate advent calendar?"
Natalie: "I didn't take it. I didn't put it somewhere. I didn't hide it. I didn't eat it all. It wasn't me. It was...somebody, I think. It must be a mystery!"
[found it in the bed pillows]
Mama: "Papa, give this evidence to the police."
Natalie [instant tears]: "Don't put me in jail! I don't have any money! My family!"
Mama: "Do you want to play this card game?"
Natalie: "No, I have too many haircuts to cut. What kind of haircut do you want?"
Mama: "A princess haircut."
Natalie: "We don't have any princess haircuts. How about a rockin' haircut? Shaving is for your beard. Do you have any beard? This is a woman's shop and a man's shop. We change it with different buttons."
"The firemans are catching the lemagrams?" [trying to teach her parallelograms]
"Mom? How do you get love when you're not mad?....That's a joke!"
Papa: "Do you want to go to the M-O-V-I-E?"
Mama: "No."
Natalie: "I do!"
Papa: "You don't even know what we're talking about."
Natalie: "The alphabet store?"
"The dragon picked me up! It was a nice one. A happy one. It let me for a ride. It was a nice dream."
Mama [singing]: "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."
Natalie: "What's that from?"
Mama: "I don't know. One of your movies. Cinderella or Snow White or something."
Natalie: "I know! It's...it's...what's it called?...Pinocchio! And there's a star! With wings! And the boy can talk! Good job, Mama! You want to hear Boy Loves His Cow?"
"Mom, tell me a story about popcorn."
"Hey, you have a chicken ballerina rainbow on your head!"
[building train set, pieces are stuck]
Natalie: "Dammit!"
Mama: "Where did you hear that?"
Natalie: "SpongeBob."
Mama: "What does it mean?"
Natalie: "Dammit means it's not right."
Mama: "When did you watch SpongeBob?"
Natalie: "With Papa."
Natalie: "I just want to type something."
Mama: "Not right now."
Natalie: "So YOU'RE in charge!"
"I'm going to dream about my nice mama petting my nice puppies."
"Mama, I figured out what I want to be when I grow up: a doctor who goes to peoples' house who are sick who are girls."
"You're a good liquid. So I licked you."
[bringing me the Little Miss books]
"Mama, can you bring me these movies please? I want to know what their voice is."
"Someday my sister babies will make it out of your belly."
Natalie: "Why your grandma used this?" [typewriter]
Mama: "Because a long time ago people didn't have computers. They didn't know how to make them."
Natalie: "I know how. First you put this part. And then you paint it and wait for it to dry. Then you put the numbers inside. Then you put the glass thing on. Then you're done."
"Mom, will you close the door so you don't know what I'm doing?"
Natalie: "Mom, what does good luck mean?"
Mama: "It means I hope you do a good job."
Natalie: "Oh, like break a leg."
Natalie: "I need to erase this."
Mama: "Crayon doesn't erase."
Natalie: "I need to find the big crayons with the pink thing here." [pointing to her butt--pencils with erasers]
"You don't know everything. Only one people know everything. It's me."
Mama: "You want some milk with your chocolate?"
Natalie: "That would be stinkuous."
Mama: "Stinkuous? What does that mean?"
Natalie: "It means that would be very nice."
Mama: "Stupendous."
Natalie: "Mama, why is the radio singing, "Baaaaaaaaaay-king soda?"
Mama: "It's singing My Sherona."
"The pasta is burning! Mamas are supposed to cook and not dance! ONLY cook food!"
"I wish my Prince Charming would get here. He's very gallant and so brave about things. And he's very strong. He can fight a bad man by himself. And my prince is a very little bit funny. Sometimes he makes me laugh. Sometimes he talks good. He has a sword to kill the dragon of our kingdom, the Kingdom of Fairytale Land."
[On the powers of the Netflix search engine]
"I want to watch I Want to Go Pee on the Ground. Type it in there! It will find it!"
[At a magic show, Natalie wanted to be chosen from the audience to go on stage to help make a table levitate, but I was chosen instead, and I really do think it was the worst moment in her life]
"I raised my hand! But he didn't see me! I was so brave! I wanted to help! Why didn't he pick me?! We need to go to another magic show! One with no big people! And only five kids!"
Mama: "What did you do with Papa?"
Natalie: "We went to a restaurant with crazy things inside. The man said, 'May I take your plate?' And I said yes. He was very crazy. And there was a lady with purple hair in front of us. I began to not freak out."
